amberausten

Small Big Things

In Military Service on March 9, 2010 at 1:47 pm

My husband made me come, I asked if I could stay in the car and wait,… but he said ” No, you should see this. ” I walk in to a sea of segmented waiting areas and half filled chairs, a football fields worth, of our countries heroes. Our veterans. He continues, ” These are all the people who fought for your freedom babe…”

I stop frozen in my thoughts- he’s right.

All walks, all ages, all different ailments, and many temperaments. This represents what happens after war; immediately after, five, ten and fifteen years after, forty years after,…it’s all right in front of you at once. And this is just one day. I would say to a young potential enlistee and their spouse- ‘come here before you sign that dotted line.’ But I fear nobody would then join, and we wouldn’t know what freedom was.

Bless those who fought, served, and continually sacrifice for lifetimes. Those who work here, caring and helping people. And thank you to my husband for bringing me, inspiring me, and giving me a glimpse into his world. There must be more we can help with and give back. Do something small you wouldn’t normally do today, see how it might change you,..

Snap

In snap on March 9, 2010 at 12:15 am

“Message from Starfleet, Captain… Let’s get to it!”

Take 2

In marriage, relationships on March 8, 2010 at 1:52 am

Relationships and second chances…if you are courageous enough to have given someone one of these you know how murky and difficult it can be. There is so much intertwined within the past, present, and future expectations, its hard to discern certain actions at times. I find myself in this very dilemma,… what’s really happening?

kjhh

Whats true and what is assumption on past behaviour? This is when I desperately wish for my lasso of truth and ability to see into peoples lives like I was there. But until then, I can only rely on my intelligence and intuition. I carefully navigate the minefield of stories, intimacy, relationship, trust, and bond,…wandering to find our truth. All I can hope and pray for is my well being, and strive to be honest with myself enough to make the right decisions as we go.

When things happen that shake my confidence in our marriage, I start to doubt myself a lot. It takes me down a few notches when someone else as close as a spouse transgresses against me. Seems odd actually. Shouldn’t the transgressor be the one feeling bad about themselves? But my “self worth,” if you will, is suddenly put on trial. In all of the strongest, self secure moments I attempt to display outwardly while in the middle of a problem, I retreat to a secluded place to ask myself -”what’s wrong with me?” I begin to feel less attractive, and less deserving. It occurs every single time. I counteract it by doing things I love, and yet sometimes I just sit with my remorse. But what I really want is for the cycle to stop. I wonder if I’m asking the impossible because it has not yet happened. I refuse, however, to accept less. I come out of that awkward, less than appealing self doubt and always know I can do far more than I have strived for. So I keep on,…