“As a mom, it is largely my job to “create” the holidays in our home. The smells, the feelings, …. the atmosphere that childhoods remember.”
The festival of lights is coming to a close,…. and it did not quite turn out as I imagined I could make it. Just another obvious sign that our family is going through something so much more involved than I give credit.
As a mom, it is largely my job to “create” the holidays in our home. The smells, the feelings, …. the atmosphere that childhoods remember. If we can’t make it happen, it’s not happening. My expectations for myself seem to be beyond my current abilities, because I keep failing at my goals.
The fact that our family is on the larger side is already challenging in our society. Add to this special needs, one car, failing finances, and a disabled vet husband who needs a lot of outside care and support. These extra four variables have tilted me to an almost impossible scenario. This is a classic case of just too damn much on one person’s plate. But what can be removed? How do you alleviate unchangeable circumstances?
This is the moment that will make or break us completely. Its happening right now. If something miraculous doesn’t occur, I think we will all sink. I have done so much, and I am finding it’s affecting my physical health now.
“We did not think what looked like an alive returning soldier, would end-up having a disability”
The repeated stress and daily onslaught has become too much to handle. These are the moments families need community, charity, and just outside compassion from others. We did not foresee a daughter with special needs, we did not think what looked like an alive returning soldier, would end-up having a disability. Our families’ sole provider, who gave up his well-being and health to maintain our countries’ freedom, is struggling. His struggle has resulted in the loss of our second car, our financial health, maybe our home and way of life. It has caused a deep deep blow to our marriage and his relationships with his children. Can our society help him get back on his feet? Can VA provide what he needs before we fall apart? Is it the least I and our country can do to help him?
We are trying, there is no doubt about that.
So we close this holiday time at our home happily, yet I close it with longing. I learned the limits of my abilities and found a way to be OK with that. I learned that sometimes, there’s barely just enough light to make it through one night, but to be thankful for it. I learned despite lack, we can still come together and create lasting memories. I learned it doesn’t have to be glorious and perfect to be a holiday, we just need to be present in that moment. I long for it to be more, that I can create more, and be more for my family. Until then, I do what I can and that has to be enough for now.
I’m looking at this fit of defiance and I see a lot of pretending, that whine is not real pain, its for attention. She’s choosing not to use words I know she has. She is displaying some sort of disagreement, and creating a power struggle. I was at her school picking her up to go to therapy. She did not open the door before her brother, and wanted to, and since had decided to fall to the floor and protest the concept,… for thirty minutes. Finally, I coaxed her out of it by drawing her attention to lunch. She gladly followed her friends, and I was pretty much gone, when at lunch she did it again. I saw and stayed, and eventually got her out of it again by requesting a hug. I helped her eat lunch, and went along with her for her next class. And now, two hours later, finally came back home. So much for HIPPO-therapy today, canceled. She did this two weeks ago on the same day, at the same time, except ON the horse. How do you think the horse liked that?!! Tough. But I still wonder, what is the root and how can we work past this to a better way of handling disappointment? Or, is there something else going on? Is there some sort of underlying cause biochemically or neurologically, creating an atmosphere in her psyche of instability already? Doesn’t anyone know about this crap professionally that can help!! Enough guessing already, we have plenty of documented behaviour challenges and need more support and better ideas. In the end, after all the teachers were done, I was the only one who really knew how to calm her down. For that, at least, I feel I’ve gotten somewhere . And for that, I remember, as much as all the highly trained professionals think they have the best soluitons and educated anwers,…mom’s always really know what they are doing best.
We decided to take a walk and go see the pond, cruise over the bridge , and watch the water flow down the creek.As we were walking my daughter stops in her tracks and looks at her right arm. It’s not useable anymore. She says to me ” mommy look at my arm, ” then it begins twitching. I had no idea what was wrong yet, but I knew it wasn’t gonna be good. I told my oldest we had to go right away, she quickly gathered up the boys and had them in the car. I carried my daughter there, who had already quit answering my questions and became silent…her arm
